Wednesday, November 11, 2009

GRE = Grievously Ridiculous Exam

With the upcoming weeks being devoid of classes and coffee dates for me to occupy my time with, I've reluctantly decided to devote as much of my undivided attention as I possibly can to studying for the GRE.

As I've already observed with the SAT, these silly standardized tests are complete bullshit. They are elitist, nonsensical and are created by a bunch of arrogant white men who are selfishly desirous of yet another reason to feel superior to the rest of the world and in doing so, have concocted an exam that points out how stupid the rest of us "little people" really are. My apologies for not having forced myself to stay indoors during my childhood and foregoing an opportunity to memorize the Oxford English dictionary from cover to cover. Sorry, guys, but while you were inside, writing about life, I was outside, living it.

I pride myself on having acquired a more extensive vocabulary than that of the average Albany alumnus. But the "Analogies" section of the GRE makes me feel like a boy amongst men - err, girl rather. For example, the following formulation:


A. toad : ornithology
B. turtle : microbiology
C. gymnosperms : botany
D. friend : home economics
E. algae : zoology

Okay, so I know what a union jack is. Check. But when the HELL has anyone ever used "vexillology" in their vernacular?! And that's just the problem for the majority of the questions that have so haphazardly been chosen to be placed on this exam: you will most likely recognize only one out of two words in each analogy. So this even further diminishes your chances of selecting the correct solution. Sorry, sucker.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the correct answer is C. Isn't it obvious?!?!

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